holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found your dick twin last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
