If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
