I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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