i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
