its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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