Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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