when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
