I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
