let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
