Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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