I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize