Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Operation Purity has been aborted
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
