Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
