I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
