if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
