btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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