You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
