I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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