i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize