hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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