he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
