it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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