weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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