i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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