WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize