all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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