Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
