Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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