His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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