I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
