Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
