Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
