you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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