Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
