Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize