I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
