What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
