I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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