someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
