the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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