We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
