ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize