do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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