if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
