i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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