But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
