i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
