The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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