sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
