I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
