So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
