HIV tests are more positive than that guy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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