I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
