accomplished twins. life is a go
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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