You made me cry and you don't even care
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
