Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
