If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You dont lie about slip and slides
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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