I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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