hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
