Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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