i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize