Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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