discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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