There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think i have two assholes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
