i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
