The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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