Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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