You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
