[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
