Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
