I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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