Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
