I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
