I cut my penus on the lid.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
