We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
