the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
