I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize