and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
