question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
