Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
