we're blogging at a bar
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
