I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize