I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
