I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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