I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
