Dude my mom stole all your condoms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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