I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
