She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
