i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
