clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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