So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
