i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
