Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
