Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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