we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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