Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
