Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
