So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
