He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this will be a night to untag.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize