so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
