I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
