Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
