Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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