I need help removing her.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
